Friday, June 1, 2012

My second biggest fear - a home invasion.  My biggest fear - a home invasion while I'm home in bed.  Thanks very much Criminal Minds for showing me horrible terrifying crime happens everywhere.  Believe it or not, I worried less about home invasions when I lived in a city of over a million people compared to now.  Now I live in a small city on a two acre lot in a relatively affluent area (by Maritime standards).  I can't see my neighbours.  They can't see me.  There is forest behind me.  Everyone knows crooks and pervs hide in forests.  PB is out of town.  A lot.  Like most nights of the week.  But I have a strategy for still sleeping through the night.  PB thinks its a bit insane (but is secretly comforted that I'm totally ready to defend my home and him if the need arose).  My mother thinks certain elements of my security regime are extreme.  My father thinks its not extreme enough and would entirely support me if I decided to up my regime to include things that I'd require licences for.

1.  I have two hundred pounds of very noisy dogs. Terrifying ferocious barkers.  That will greet you at the door with a toy and a wiggle if you were actually able to open that door - but the barking sounds very convincing.

2.  I sleep with two phones (a cell and a land line) by my bed.  Try cutting the phone line intruder - I've got a back up. HAHA!

3.  Exterior AND interior doors are locked.  Yes, when alone over night, the pets and I are locked into my bedroom.  And I fully intend on rounding us all up and locking us in the en suite if we have to.  That's a lot of locks to get through.

4.  I keep a knife under my mattress.  For reals.  Some people think this is insane.  The only criticism I've ever heard that actually makes sense to me is that the knife is actually a less than ideal weapon.  I'm not entirely comfortable with how close an intruder would have to get before I could fight back with said knife.  So..

5.  I also keep a large golf club by/under my bed when PB is not home.  Also not ideal - but I learned from Tiger's wife that one can do some damage with a golf club if so provoked.

But I just read the best tip ever - keep your car keys by your bed and if you hear an intruder press the panic button.  Best alarm ever.  Which excited me a lot.  Until I checked my keys and realized I must have the only North American car that doesn't have a panic button.  Good. God.  Now I am in a panic because I don't have a panic button.

Also - this list terrified me.  I totally slack on security when its raining presuming crooks and pervs hate bad weather too.

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